Year: 2009
Director: Patrick Lussier
Screenplay: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jamie King, Kerr Smith
Synopsis is here
If you also happen to listen to the podcast that I co-host with my movie pal Iain, you will know that I've been avoiding 3-d for quite a while. I have many reasons why I've discouraged the idea to friends, readers and listeners ranging from the inflated price to not being able to take my girlfriend due an issue with her eyes. I've never seen the point of it and even made sure I watched UP in 2-d so I could concentrate on the film and not the gimmick.
However, this Halloween I went to a cinema all-nighter with the geekplanet crew (the people who host the podcast among other things) and unfortunately one of the movies on the 4 film program was Patrick Lussier's remake of a 1981 slasher film and it was only in 3-d.
After watching this dreadful entry into the over stuffed genre of the slasher 3-d finally nailed a coffin into my thoughts of 3-d; it is a gimmick that is only being used to try and stop pirating and to get you to pay more for films. It adds nothing to the experience of the film and doesn't draw a viewer into what they're watching. Too make matters worse, Lussier's movie is a cliche ridden, poorly acted, badly realized slasher movie with nothing going for it except it's gimmick...which doesn't work.
There is no point in talking about the film's aesthetics because they only exist to push the idea of 3-d. Unfortunately this is a technology that hasn't evolved since the 50's and this third attempt at selling the idea still suffers from the same problems that stop it before. I usually sit about 5 to 6 rows up in the middle of the cinema depending on what I'm watching and this position for 3'd is nothing short of useless. I have no doubt the film would put an annoying strain on my eyes no matter where i sat, but the problem is for those people sitting anywhere other than the middle of the back row, the 3-d element is incredibly uncomfortable to watch.
Throughout the experience my eyes ached, watered and lost focus of what I was supposed to be watching. Due to most horror filmmakers being addicted to the idea of over cutting movies, the MTV-style method of editing made watching certain aspects intolerable. The glasses itched and I found myself removing them every so often in fear of an epileptic fit. This may be construed as overreacting, however I found this movie difficult to watch because of the gimmick it's pushing and there's nothing else found within the screen worth recommending to anyone.
Yes this is a poorly veiled rant at 3-d films, but unfortunately there is nothing else to say about this film. The transparent narrative makes the plots Scooby Doo appear to be masterpieces. The glazed look of all the actors communicate nothing other than the word "paycheck", the violence is uninspiring and the entire film is about as scary as sack of kittens. You will miss nothing if you avoid this movie. A naff time had by all.
